Sunday, March 18, 2012

Why Harry Potter Blows

After reading Lord Of The Rings, I suddenly realize that Harry Potter is a big lie.
-Of every single person who reads Harry Potter, nobody actually likes Harry. Those of you that are disagreeing with me, I bet you anything that you love Ron and Hermione, but you rarely even think about Harry. Had Harry died in the end, I bet the only reason you would have cared at all would be because Ginny would be lonely. O! Tragedy-a hot ginger girl is now single! Wait, her boyfriend was just pretending to be dead. Never mind.
-In the 5th book, a meeting with Tom Riddle and Professor Slughorn is depicted in which Tom Riddle asks about horcruxes. In this meeting, Tom Riddle specifically mentions the number 7. J.K. Rowling deliberately mentions the making SEVEN horcruxes. So how the heck would Voldemort not know that Harry was the seventh horcrux?! And if he did know, then he wouldn't want to kill him!!! There are a few explanations. Voldemort forgot. Voldemort made six and got lazy. Voldemort was extremely stupid and just didn't realize that Harry had been turned into a horcrux. The only plausible counter-argument is this: due to the prophecy Voldemort weighed his options and decided he still had Nagini and the Elder Wand, so he was willing to destroy half of his remaining soul (at that point Harry and Nagini were the only two out of the former seven that remained.) To that argument, I have only this to say: J.K. Rowling is a bad writer. That "prophecy" is the most ridiculous plot point of the whole series. It is a piece of paper covering up a giant hole in the roof of the plot of the story. And J.K. Rowling knows it, otherwise she would have said more about it. Without this prophecy that is only mentioned in one book, Voldemort would have no reason for caring about Harry. The whole plot rests upon the invention of some arbitrary literary device that really has no other connection to the plot.
-Adults are seriously retarded throughout. It reminds me of the Simpsons. Think about it this way: nobody my age (18) could break into the white house, but Harry, Ron and Hermione could break into the ministry of magic? A kid of 17 years old can hold his own against the most powerful dark wizard of all time? The kids and the adults in Harry Potter are all studying the same thing: magic. So even if you were born studying any subject-english, biology, music, math-can you plausibly imaging outsmarting someone who has been studying the same discipline as you for twenty or thirty more years than you?
-Why the fuck do these kids not care about popular music, Apple products, movies, porn, drugs, or sex? 
-Where are the American Wizards? If we heard about a terrorist wizard in London, we would be crashing the party before you could utter a syllable of your gay latin-y spells.

-Cho Chang is way hotter than Ginny.

-They split up the last movie because they wanted to make more money, and it sucked.

Well, that's pretty much it. If you don't like LOTR, I understand. Try Brave Story by Miyuke Miyabe.

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